My hand turned me down
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
