She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
