9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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