So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
