you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
