I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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