Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
