drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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