I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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