So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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