Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so explain again why im purple
no
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
