She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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