it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
