I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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