So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
