Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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