On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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