Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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