It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
