All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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