i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
