thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
