I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
