her facebook's as public as her vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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