omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
