dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
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