third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
