I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My vagina is officially offended.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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