So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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