Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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