laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
