i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
