so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We have started to decorate penises.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
