I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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