So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
BRING THE BAGELS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize