youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
