we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she told me i tasted like america
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
