so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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