I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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