we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
