you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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