Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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