im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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