Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
3 2 1 whiskey
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
how drunk are you?
Several
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
