I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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