I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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