Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
