As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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