Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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