I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
