Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
