he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
