OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
