Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
