How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry my hands just texted you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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