I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
