p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
