My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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