he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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