And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
