My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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