Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
