Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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